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Cynthia W. Gentry's avatar

“The times? Mid.” Made me laugh out loud. Thank you.

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Cynthia W. Gentry's avatar

Forgot to mention that my ideal recluse would look like George Clooney, David Gandy or Glen Powell and would relocate me to Paris, Lake Como, or Bali. I'm not picky. TIA.

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Carlos Greaves's avatar

Thanks! And yes, I forgot to mention, a wealthy recluse need not be older, they can be a young up-and-coming Hollywood A-lister like Glen Powell -- dream big!!

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Anne Thomas's avatar

Best line 😂

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Julie Gabrielli's avatar

Me too!

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Ros Barber's avatar

Ornamental hermit was on my original list of careers but the schools careers adviser said the market was pretty much flooded and I’d be better off going into retail. Sorry about the roundworm. If you want to hook me up with Gregorio’s network I can pay you back with a pair of sneaky sandals. Also, Dickens. Mid. Thank you.

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Carlos Greaves's avatar

It's never too late to pivot to ornamental hermiting! I'll gladly set up you with a wealthy noble in exchange for those sandals -- the Ivermectin is doing a number on my liver

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Ros Barber's avatar

Excellent, send me directions by pigeon.

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Adam Nathan's avatar

Dear Mr. Greaves,

How about this instead: I will lease you one of my 377 $100K True Fans at 6% interest. We can start at 10 years and go adjustable rate thereafter. He will be a perfect fit for your unique chuckle to laugh-out-loud (C-LOL) ratio.

Note that I write "he" not because there aren't "she's" available – there's a bevy – but because I have a True Fan in mind that I sense is growing a bit weary of my writing. It's important to have a feeling for this if you want to grow your business into anything resembling my own.

If desired, I can send you complete samples of "his" True Fan comment writing style along with a personality assessment that considers relationship commitment, fidelity and willingness to disparage competitors on your behalf.

Also, don't give up hope. There's no reason you should need to write more than 10 minutes a day with my technique. If you know Adam's True Fan Leasing Model, you can build an empire like mine – I'll send you videos of me drinking champagne on a rented yacht together with the samples. I've grown so successful from my writing at this point, I just want to share what I've learned.

The book is $19.95. Join me at my Paid Subscriber level of $5/month and it's yours.

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Carlos Greaves's avatar

Hmmm...this sounds suspiciously like an MLM...fuck it, I'm in!

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Karina Pawlak's avatar

Wealthy Recluse sounds so much better than "Sugar Daddy." You are a genius.

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Carlos Greaves's avatar

It's all about branding!

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Ronald Turnbull's avatar

The Dickens extract is a pretty clear example of what you get when you're trying to satisfy 100000 different subscribers all at once.

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Chris Nathan's avatar

That’s great!

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Carlos Greaves's avatar

My thoughts exactly!

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Dee Rambeau's avatar

“Plus, Gregorio insists on paying me in untraceable Italian bearer bonds, which can only be cashed in at the Central Bank of Italy.”

🤣🤣🙏

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Pia Owens's avatar

Congratulations on Gregorio! I also enjoyed your modern-day Dickens summary. Scenario #1 is very similar to Ruth Reichl’s The Paris Novel, but instead of a graveyard she is given a designer dress and told to go to a restaurant where she meets her rich old widower who finds her creatively irresistible because she eats oysters with as much gusto as his late wife who also wore that dress.

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Carlos Greaves's avatar

That is way creepier, but, I mean, if it pays the bills...

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Julie Gabrielli's avatar

It’s always the dead wife’s dress. A bit creepy.

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Abha Ahad's avatar

For a wealthy patron who will fund my work, I am ready to relocate to the Mariana Trench or sell my soul to the devil. Yk, the whatever-it-takes attitude.

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Carlos Greaves's avatar

I like your can-do attitude! I'll let Gregorio's buddies know

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Abha Ahad's avatar

I appreciate you.

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Irshaad's avatar

So funny - it’s been a while since I enjoyed something so funny and so well done.

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Amran Gowani's avatar

I haven't tried this brilliant approach, but I can confirm The One Extremely Patient Spouse model pays off.

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Carlos Greaves's avatar

Arguably even better than a wealthy recluse!

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Juliet Wilson's avatar

That made me laugh.

I'm not sure about the first route to finding a wealthy recluse, I joined a local cemetery friends group for just this reason (of course I claim to want to protect the cemetery as a historical greenspace) and have yet to find my wealthy recluse

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Carlos Greaves's avatar

Don't worry, it's only a matter of time!

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Julia Thorne's avatar

I would love to be an ornamental hermit 🤣 I would want my wealthy recluse to home me in Egypt, perhaps in a houseboat so I can drift up and down the Nile, camera in hand, creating photographic masterpieces of ancient wonders.

PS, my GCSE English would have been much easier if Dickens had adopted your suggested style of writing ... 🤓

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Carlos Greaves's avatar

Houseboat on the Nile sounds lovely! I'm sure we can find you a wealthy Egyptologist

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Ian Walton's avatar

Ah, when I saw 'wealthy recluse' I was thinking the elderly spinster (or widow?) in Grand Hotel Budapest. Gregorio sounds like a catch though. Fabulous article.

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Jacob Clarke's avatar

I hope someone fact checks this piece!

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Tara Penry's avatar

(I hope no one fact checks this piece.)

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Sandolore Sykes's avatar

I am looking for something Scottish and windswept where I have to tend to some sort of eerie cemetery and I keep getting visions in mirrors, but in a like, cheerful way. Got any of those up Georgio’s sleeves ?

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Carlos Greaves's avatar

The Scottish countryside is recluse heaven! I guarantee Gregorio can find you someone.

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D. C. Wilkinson's avatar

Brilliant.

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