294 Comments
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Zan Tafakari's avatar

I fucking love this. All I will say though, is 451-439 = 12, not 11. Thanks!

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Carlos Greaves's avatar

Thanks, Zan! Yeah, it’s a particularly embarrassing mistake considering I have a background in engineering 😭 that’s what I get for writing this in a frustration-induced fugue state

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Zan Tafakari's avatar

Carlos, a frsutration-induced fugue state is the default writing state for me - so I can relate completely ... don't look at any of my past posts - you'll be marred with many a typo 😂

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Caroline Donahue's avatar

Hahahaha. Math - who needs it?

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Chris Hurst's avatar

Seriously

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Alice Goldbloom's avatar

Brillant but you need more cowbell.

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Chris Hurst's avatar

We all do

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Chad's avatar

Facts. 💯

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Applied Intelligence's avatar

Ya make that a whooping 13. What a riot!

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Jeremy Cook's avatar

What is that like 9% better? Great success!

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Chris Hurst's avatar

Nice

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Bill Bradbury's avatar

Substack needed this post. Great stuff!

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Chris Hurst's avatar

I agree

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Khalid Birdsong's avatar

Excellent, and a lot of fun to read. I don't feel so bad about my slow-growing Substack now. It allows me to write and draw about whatever I'm into this week. And if I'm not into anything I want to share, I don't.

I'll keep posting regularly, when I can, and hopefully discover some topics I love sharing and people love reading.

Let's enjoy the ride and see what happens!

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Carlos Greaves's avatar

Thanks! And I think that’s a good approach. There’s all this artificial pressure to constantly “grow” and it can sometimes take the joy out of doing the thing itself.

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🅟🅐🅤🅛 🅜🅐🅒🅚🅞's avatar

Artificial Pressure?? R U Nutz? I suppose you think that AI artificial too? Jeez, man...you have to CRUSH IT to WIN IT, dude.

:) Perfect post. I enjoyed it.

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The Third Eve's avatar

Hi, Khalid. I’ve been thinking this week about the difference between staying focused and passionate about where our selves are taking us on their selfing journey, and what the world wants. Stick with what you’re into. Stick with you. I’ll die on that hill, because that’s where the joy and satisfaction are.

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Pách Deng's avatar

Haha note is so good. I’ve recent discovered everything that is great in life is the product of slow growth; the newer, and greater, and higher, and nobler the work, the slower is its growth, the surer is its lasting success. Mushrooms attain their full power in a night; oaks require decades. A fad lives its life in a few weeks; a philosophy lives through generations and centuries.

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Carlos Greaves's avatar

Well said!

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The Third Eve's avatar

You forgot the part where humans finally get wise right before they die (if at all, lol).

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Jennifer Earle (Jen)'s avatar

I do quite like mushrooms though.

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Jennifer Earle (Jen)'s avatar

Hmm. I meant just regular cooking mushrooms!! 🤦🏻‍♀️

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Tamsin's avatar

Hey I’ve gone from 0 to I think 7 in 2 months, only hard work and asking the universe has gotten me there. 🤪😜😵‍💫 maybe 14 by next year eh? 😂😂😂😂 cracking post.

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Gila Pfeffer's avatar

carlos 😂😂😂 i needed this laugh thanks

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Chris Hurst's avatar

Awesome

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Jacquie Bullard's avatar

"....pick something you enjoy failing at." Yes to that! I've been 'failing' on Substack since 2018 but it hasn't been a total loss. I post 4-5 times a month and now have a pretty good archive to pull from. Not to mention all the practice honing my writing skills. Thanks for this honest, light-hearted post! Save me from myself before I die taking myself too seriously 😂

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Ben Wakeman's avatar

I’ve considered writing one of these posts for months so I was relieved and delighted to see someone else pick up the mantle. The stack measuring contest that proliferates Notes, can feel demoralizing. Thanks for the comic relief. 😂

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Angie Richard's avatar

This is hilarious. I actually get so peeved that these creative platforms always end up flooded with folks who just post about how to be successful on these platforms.

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Reema Baniabbasi's avatar

Me too and that is what put me off of Medium but I appreciate that the quality of the content I find here is still a lot better than Medium which has me stay. I find some of the advice useful as starting points but I don’t like when they assume that there is one solid rule that will work with every writer, type of content, and readership. Each relationship we build is unique and we are co-creating what the “rules” of that relationship are as we go along (and they sure can shift over time!) so they won’t apply universally to every relationship.

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Joe Donatelli's avatar

This might be the funniest thing I have read on this platform. If you ever revise, consider an 800 word section in the article about the importance of writing an absolutely perfect thanks for subscribing email.

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David Perry's avatar

Chuckling!

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Dina Alvarez's avatar

This was a great post Carlos and as a newbie here I have to say it is exactly what I needed to read. I love an extremely well written piece of satire and you nailed it.

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Eliza Anderson's avatar

I’ve been on Substack 3 mos and from what I’ve seen, this post deserves to go viral. Cathartic read. But I was very very sad to learn your real numbers. I felt like you were a with me in the void until then. Now I know I live there.. alone.

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Mary Hutto Fruchter's avatar

Carlos, this is really funny, laugh out loud funny, and your tone is perfect. It is humble, but I think your acknowledgement of the hard work comment is totally valid.

I just wrote a post this weekend about how I thought my dog was a mole, a secret Moms for Liberty agent, because she has started eating my books. I was highly entertained by the concept, and I had so much fun writing the post, and it included ridiculous and adorable pics, but it performed poorly according to the stats.

But it was super fun for me to write, and it made me laugh, and like four or five other folks too, and some of those folks weren't related to me. I look forward to reading more of your work in the future.

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Carlos Greaves's avatar

Thanks, Mary! I can safely say the stats got it wrong because your piece is great.

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Mary Hutto Fruchter's avatar

Thanks so much for reading and for the kind feedback.

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Su Terry's avatar

I Doubled My Sales! Going over my sheet music sales from 2023 I see in 2022 one person bought my Holiday Overture for Solo Clarinet, and in 2023 two people bought it!

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Carlos Greaves's avatar

100% year over year growth! 🚀

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The Third Eve's avatar

I found that 90% of the action on my seminal books, to which researchers refer in their literature reviews, are 100% free on the piracy websites. However, I love pirates 100% of the time. Will you do the math for me on that? I’m still winning, right? <I’m not on my phone so just use a dinosaur emoji here.>

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Tad Thurston's avatar

Loved it (from a peer writer having about the same number of subs and the same "growth" rate!) -- maybe my favorite thing is that the graph implies you gaining and losing a fractional number of people per day, like it's somehow measuring that moment of indecision when people even *think* about smashing that sub button.

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Carlos Greaves's avatar

I hadn’t thought about that but great point! Maybe a fractional subscriber is someone who subscribes but never opens the emails 😂

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Cristina Carmona Aliaga's avatar

I don’t know, Carlos, it seems fake. 11 new subscribers seem excessive to me so how can we be sure that you’re not downplaying this astonishing growth so that we don’t feel bad about our invisibility and put likes and comments on this post so you can get another whooping 5 subscribers on our account? I’m not buying it, sorry. Good try, though.

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Boysie Gordon's avatar

If grain of salt was an article!

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